Redefining the Notion of Becoming a Parent as a Mistake

It was only when I realized that my children were not simply born to make me feel loved but were conceived with the idea that I would be the one to make them feel loved, heard, wanted, and cherished every single day, that I truly understood that this might not have been the most rational decision.

As a mother, I recently found myself in a situation where I was engaged in a heated argument with a 6-year-old. It dawned on me that motherhood, especially when it involves multiple children, is often portrayed as a heroic and unconditionally loving endeavor. However, being a parent, particularly when the children are young, can be incredibly demanding and, at times, overwhelming. I couldn’t wait for the day when my child would be independent and need me only for backup.

Reflecting on my own journey as a parent, I couldn’t help but draw parallels to my brother's experience as well. The initial seeds of what would become their current issues were sown shortly after their father decided that he did not feel comfortable with my allowance of a few beers after my shift, leading to me being barred from the newborn. Within weeks, the baby was already exhibiting signs of excessive coddling and developing narcissistic behaviors, such as purposeful crying at any hour of the day. It seemed clear to me that my brother and my father's parenting style had a significant impact on the child's development.

I was advised to talk to the child, regardless of my state of intoxication, but I steadfastly refused out of a deep conviction that inexperienced parents should not be raising children. The saying "like father, like son" rings true, and now, judging by my immature brother's adult behavior, this pattern is continuing within our family. This further emphasized the importance of careful and considered decision-making when bringing a child into the world.

It is a reality that we cannot undo the decision to have a child once it has been made. Once a child is born, they are a part of your life, and dwelling on the notion that it was a mistake will not change that fact. Furthermore, it will only exacerbate your unhappiness and contribute to your misery, rather than providing any solution.

It is crucial to understand that our emotions are largely shaped by our subconscious patterns. According to research, approximately 95% of our emotional experiences arise from these self-created subconscious patterns. Thus, it is important for us to consciously decide how we view a situation and what to tell ourselves to positively influence our subconscious. Happiness is indeed a choice, and we must actively choose to find the positive aspects in any given situation.

Parenting Challenges and the Role of Emotional Management

The challenges of parenting often lie in the emotional management that is required. Being a parent means accepting the fact that your child will make mistakes, experience setbacks, and need support, both emotionally and practically. Building a relationship with your child based on love, understanding, and patience is essential. It is through these interactions that your child will learn to trust and rely on you.

Moreover, it is vital to differentiate between what you can control and what you cannot. While you can influence your child's development, you cannot force them to become someone they are not. Embrace your role as a guiding force and a supportive parent, nurture your child, and provide them with the tools they need to thrive. It is through this nurturing process that you can ensure a positive and healthy relationship with your child.

Conclusion: Embracing the Journey of Parenting

Parenting is a complex and multi-faceted journey that involves navigating various challenges and emotional ups and downs. Understanding that your decision to have a child is a significant one, and making the best of it, can lead to a more fulfilling and happy life for both you and your children.

Embrace the journey, find the positive aspects, and remember that happiness is within your reach. It is through conscious decision-making and emotional management that you can turn a potentially overwhelming situation into a rewarding and joyful experience.